my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
