Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
