ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
