That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
