Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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