I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
