He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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