i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
