Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
