In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
