she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
