he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
did i just pee glitter
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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