I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
