What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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