Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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