After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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