I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
