My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
