hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you had me at cake vodka
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
