my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.