I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together