Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.