i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature