They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog