Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder