I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?