Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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