I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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