She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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