So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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