I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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