saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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