You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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