New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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