My liver just broke up with me...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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