The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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