it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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