Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The Olympian is in my bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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