Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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