are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
