You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Buhtt sex?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize