i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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