Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Life is so much better after having sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
