Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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