I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drake has all the answers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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