I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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