She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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