toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
