i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
