omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail