he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.