Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.