Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.