Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.