At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize