I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize