just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
