i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
