So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize