I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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