I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
