ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
