mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
