i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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