first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I believe in your delicious
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