Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
