I hate your face
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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