and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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