so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
